希臘情濃時

Celine： Remember that letter that you let me read that you wrote when you were 20 to yourself at 40？

Jesse： Yes， I remember the first sentence： Dear 40-yearold Jesse， I hope youre not divorced.

Celine： No I did not even remember that part， I meant to all the other things in that letter. Youre the same guy. I mean， we always think that we are 1）evolving. But maybe we cant change that much.

Jesse： You know how I think Ive changed the most？

Celine： How？

Jesse： When I was younger I just wanted time to speed up.

Celine： Why？

Jesse： Well so I could be on my own， so I could be free from my parents and school and all that shit， you know， I just wanted to close my eyes and wake up and be an adult. And now I kinda feel that happened and I just want everything to slow down.

Celine： Its strange Ive always had this feeling no matter where I am in my life. That its either a memory or a dream.

Jesse： I know youve always thought that. Me too， I mean， its like is this really my life？ Like is it happening， right now？

Celine： It is.

Jesse： I know. Every year I just seem to get a little bit more 2）humbled and more overwhelmed about all the things Im never gonna know or understand.

Celine： Thats what I keep telling you： you know nothing.

Jesse： I know， I know！ Im coming around！

Celine： But not knowing is not so bad. I mean the point is to be looking， searching to stay hungry， right？

Jesse： Thats true. I just wish it was a little easier.

Celine： How do you mean？

Jesse： Just to maintain a certain level of passion， you know. I mean， it used to come so naturally. Remember when I was younger， me and all my writer friends. We like... we just felt like were doing something important. You know？ Like this was our time.

Celine： But they were all a bunch of 3）arrogant little 4）pricks， right？

Jesse： No！ Alright， maybe... I dunno...we just grew out of all this energy. You know， all this creativity or whatever ambitions people had. You know， I think you gotta be a little 5）deluded to stay motivated.

Celine： Young men have this thing about comparing themselves all the time. They have all these 6）signposts they judge themselves by. You used to do that all the time！

Jesse： Do what？ What do you mean？

Celine： Its like Rimaud wrote this by 17， Scott Fitzgerald did this by 30.

Jesse： And Balzac wrote a book before breakfast everyday. So what the hell am I doing？

Celine： Yeah， but women do not think that way as much.

Jesse： You dont think so？

Celine： We have much less to compare ourselves to， maybe. Most women who achieve anything in life the first time you hear about them， theyre in their 50s because it is was so hard for them to get any recognitions before then. They struggled for 30 years or they raised kids and were 7）stranded at home before they could finally do what they want. Actually you know what？ Its kind of freeing. We dont have to spend our lives comparing ourselves to Martin Luther King， Ghandi...Tolstoy.

Jesse： What about Joan of Arc， right？ I mean... she was a teenager and she saved France. So…

Celine： Who wants to be Joan of Arc？ OK. Forget France. OK？ Nothing I aspire to. What a great achievement！ Oh God...

Jesse： What？

Celine： No， nothing.

Jesse： What？

Celine： This is so weird.

Jesse： What do you mean？

Celine： Just this， us walking， having a conversation. About something else than scheduling， food， work.

Jesse： I mean how long has it been since we were wondering around bullshiting？

Celine： Do you hear what I hear？

Jesse： The sea？

Celine： No.

Jesse： What？ Oh！ No small feet. No…nothing being knocked over， nothing we have to clean up. No injustices being done.

Celine： Yeah， so when was the last time？

Jesse： When we had nowhere we had to be？

Celine： Yeah.

Jesse： Remember walking around the Luxembourg Gardens？

Celine： Yeah.

Jesse： I used to kick your ass in ping-pong on those concrete tables.

Celine： Congratulations！ You beat a woman pregnant with twins！ Such a gentleman！

Jesse： It is better than losing to a pregnant woman with twins！

Celine： Yeah.

Jesse： Okay？

Celine： Oh God.

Jesse： You know what I think？ I think its from the time we leave our parents house until we have kids， I mean， thats the only time that your life is completely your own. You know， I think I had about a decade of that， it was great， it was like…just like one long flowing， a day， a week， a year-there wasnt much difference.

Celine： No， I used to keep track of time. Through jobs and boyfriends and stuff like that. Now I can tell you every detail of the past seven years， OK， based on what was happening in the girls lives.

Jesse： Yeah...right... totally.

Celine： You do that too？

Jesse： Yeah， yeah， I mean time is 8）demarcated now.

Celine： Really？

Jesse： What？

Celine： No， no， no. Im just surprised you do that too. No but…OK... quick test.

Jesse： Oh no.

Celine： You know， August 2009. No， August its...come on！ Its a quick one. What was happening？

Jesse： August 2009， we were on vacation with your parents. Nina got the chickenpox first and quickly followed by Ella.

Celine： I am so impressed.

Jesse： So do I get a gold star？

Celine： Maybe.

賽琳：記得你讓我讀過你20歲的時候寫給40歲的你的那封信嗎？

杰西：記得，我還記得第一句是：親愛的40歲的杰西，我希望你還沒離婚。

賽琳：不，我甚至不記得有那段了，我說的是信里的其他內容。你還是一樣，我是說，我們總是以為我們在變，但是我們可能變不了多少。

杰西：你知道我認為我最大的變化是什么嗎？

賽琳：是什么？

杰西：我小時候就想時間過得快點。

賽琳：為什么？

杰西：因為這樣我就可以獨立，從父母、學校和那些狗屁事里解脫出來，你知道的，我想閉上眼，一覺醒來就長大成人?，F在我感覺那些真正發生的時候，卻想要時間過得慢些。

賽琳：很奇怪不管我在人生的哪個階段都會有這樣的感覺，在記憶中，或是在夢里。

杰西：我知道你總是會那么想，我也一樣，就像是，這真的就是我的人生嗎？現在正在發生嗎？

賽琳：是啊。

杰西：我知道，每年我總要變得更謙遜一些，為周圍那些從前不知道也從不理解的事情變得不知所措。

賽琳：那就是我一直告訴你的：你一無所知。

杰西：我知道，我知道！我不還是我嗎？

賽琳：但是不知道也不是那么糟。我是說，關鍵是你得不斷觀察、探尋，求知若渴，對嗎？

杰西：確實是，希望能容易一些。

賽琳：什么意思？

杰西：保持一定程度的激情，你知道的。我是說，以前這一切來得那么自然。記得年輕的時候，我和我全部的作家朋友，我們像……我們總想要大干一番。你知道嗎？就像這是我們的時代。

賽琳：但是他們是一群傲慢自大的毛頭小子，對吧？

杰西：不！好吧，或許是……我不知道……我們帶著這股勁兒長大，這種創造力和人兼具有的雄心。我覺得你得有點妄想，才能保持熱情。

賽琳：年輕小伙子就是喜歡一直和別人作比較。他們有判斷自己的標準，你一直在這么做！

杰西：做什么？你說的是？

賽琳：像是蘭波17歲就寫了這個，司各特·菲茨格拉德30歲就做了這個。

杰西：巴爾扎克每天早餐之前寫一本書。我究竟在干什么？

賽琳：是啊，但是女人不會那么想。杰西：你們不這么想？

賽琳：我們可能很少拿自己和別人作對比。大多數有成就的女性，當你第一次聽到她們名字的時候，她們已經年過半百，因為在那之前他們想要得到認同是一件多么困難的事。在她們能做自己想做的事情之前，她們奮斗了30年，養育子女，留在家中。事實上你知道嗎？那也是一種解脫，我們不用花費畢生時間將自己的人生和那些人比，比如馬丁·路德·金，甘地……或是托爾斯泰。

杰西：圣女貞德呢？我的意思是……她年紀輕輕，拯救了法國，所以……

賽琳：誰想要做圣女貞德？別提法國了。好嗎？沒什么值得我崇拜的，這是什么偉大的貢獻??！噢，上帝……杰西：什么？

賽琳：不，沒什么。

杰西：怎么了？

賽琳：感覺怪怪的。

杰西：什么意思？

賽琳：就這樣，我們一起散步、閑聊，談論除了那些安排、飲食、工作之外的事。

杰西：我是說，我們多久沒這么閑聊了？

賽琳：你聽到我聽到的了嗎？

杰西：海浪聲？

賽琳：不是。

杰西：什么？哦！沒有那些小腳步聲。沒有……沒有東西被打翻，沒有東西要收拾，沒有不公平的事發生。

賽琳：是啊，上一次是什么時候？

杰西：漫無目的的閑逛？

賽琳：是啊。

杰西：記得我們在盧森堡花園閑逛嗎？

賽琳：記得。

杰西：我們在混凝土球桌上打乒乓球，我把你打得落花流水。

賽琳：恭喜你了！你打敗了一個懷著雙胞胎的孕婦！多么紳士??！

杰西：總好過輸給一個懷著雙胞胎的孕婦??！

賽琳：是啊。

杰西：好吧？

賽琳：噢，天啊。

杰西：你知道我在想什么嗎？我想，從我們離開父母的家（組建自己的家庭）直到孩子出世，我是說，那是段完全屬于我們自己的獨一無二的時光。我想我度過了十年之久，那很棒，像是很長一段時間，一天，一星期，一年，沒什么太大的區別。

賽琳：不，我總是記錄時間。那些工作啊、男朋友之類的事情?，F在我可以告訴你過去七年我們的女孩生活中的點點滴滴。

杰西：是啊……對啊……完全可以。賽琳：你也那么做嗎？

杰西：是啊，是啊，我是說時間是具有劃分性的。

賽琳：真的嗎？

杰西：什么？

賽琳：不，不，不。我很驚訝你也會記得。不，但是……好吧……快速問答。

杰西：噢，不是吧。

賽琳：你知道，2009年8月我們在干什么？不，快答我！這是快速問答。那時發生什么事了？

杰西：2009年8月我們和你父母度假，妮娜先得了皰疹，接著艾拉也得了。

賽琳：真讓我刮目相看。

杰西：所以我可以得到一顆金星嗎？

賽琳：或許吧。